INTRODUCTION

Have you ever felt taken advantage of when negotiating a price when selling or buying something? Have you ever been under immense pressure from dirty tactics applied by someone you negotiated with? Or, maybe you just want to learn how to get what you want? If so, the book Getting to Yes is for you.

Getting to Yes has gained an unrivaled place in the literature on the fundamentals of negotiation approach, dispute resolution, and getting to an agreement. It is written by Roger Fisher and William Ury, and Bruce Patton for the revised editions.

The authors are Harvard University professors and, at the same time, the most renowned negotiation experts, who specialize in being mediators, negotiation advisors, and consulting governments, corporations, and individuals. Each of the authors can boast scientific achievements, helping make amends and agreements in many crucial international and political negotiations, and are dedicated to making people’s lives easier by applying both the academic and practical experience they’ve acquired throughout many years of expertise. 

You may ask, what does it have to do with you? When you think about it, you are a negotiator too. Everyone negotiates something every day – families, couples, businesses, politicians, and lawyers across the world. People experience disputes or quarrels over both the tiniest and most significant cases.

Whether you are a businessman or a spouse, at some point, you will be put in a place of negotiating conditions that you would like to achieve to be satisfied with an outcome of the resolution, hence getting what you want.

Although it may seem easy to negotiate and talk to people in a way that makes you win the dispute, the authors claim that it is actually more challenging to keep your emotions down and be smart enough to negotiate in a way that both parties are satisfied, the conflicts do not increase, or the parties do not break off the negotiation due to feeling cheated and taken advantage of.

The book is filled with thoroughly explained principles and methods to help you avoid a poor negotiating experience. 

The first and most fundamental thing you should understand is that people differ, and therefore, they should look for common interests and mutual gains.

1. People tend to see a negotiation process as a battlefield, where the goal is to leave behind the enemy and achieve victory, even if they don’t reach their desired resolution.
2. Negotiators are people with emotions, deeply held values, and differentiated backgrounds and viewpoints, which makes them highly unpredictable and unstable once someone touches their soft spot.
3. Putting yourself in the shoes of the other party can be mistaken for weakness, while in reality, it can be used as a powerful tool to influence them. Noticing and understanding the emotional force of their perception and their core concerns can make it easier to influence the negotiation outcome.

The authors raise the key problem that is the most commonly occurring problem in negotiations, which is, bargaining over positions.

The book’s fundamental insight, points out that the most infamous method of position bargaining might develop either reaching an agreement or a negotiation breakdown. Going to the final resolution would take too much time and effort in both situations. Moreover, when you focus on bargaining over your positions, you do your best to improve the chance that any agreement is in your favor. 

Unfortunately, positional bargaining is unwise if you care about the relationship because of potential relationship damage. The mutually applied pressure, which generates intense emotions and feelings, could jeopardize the relationship. However, being too nice is not an answer. If you are too soft with your negotiation partner, you may also feel like a victim and hold a grudge. Either way, this would probably not be the best outcome for you.

Luckily, the book provides a thoroughly prepared and complex method, easily adjustable upon different circumstances you find yourself in, when negotiating.

People usually split into two types: one group wants to be a hard negotiator, who seeks to manifest strength and does not value relationships; on the other hand, the other group prefers to be a soft negotiator and values saving the relationship and keeping the atmosphere amicable, avoiding any kind of conflict and confrontation.

These methods usually lead at least one party to a disappointing negotiation outcome, often followed by a broken relationship. Luckily, there is a third option: negotiating on principles.

The negotiation method of Principled Negotiation was designed and developed by the Harvard Negotiation Project to produce wise outcomes efficiently and amicably, where both parties can gain wins. 

Negotiation on merits and principles is the most powerful tool you should stand by at all times. You can have different goals, viewpoints, and negotiation styles, show more or less emotion, or you can experience personal attack or feel threatened, but as long as you stick to the merit of the case, you might avoid disruption and keep the door open to defend your stance.

Principled Negotiation is characterized by four areas to be recognized:

• Separate the people from the problem. The participants should not treat each other as enemies, but rather like partners working side by side by attacking the problem, not each other. This helps avoid relationship breakdown, whether winning and making the partner feel taken advantage of or feeling the same yourself, just by being too kind.
• Focus on interests, not positions. You should not be focusing on the partner’s stated and official position since it may vary from their underlying interests. The best you can do is to be persistent in learning about those interests, thus letting the negotiation partner understand that you are on their side in seeking their interest fulfillment as well.
• Invent Options for mutual gain. Don’t stick only to the officially stated options available on the table just because of the negotiation and time pressure. If the other side is not truly involved in the process of making an agreement, it is more likely they will not approve the product. Invite the other negotiator to a mutual creative brainstorming session so you make it clear you value their viewpoints. When both of you enable yourself to become creative in seeking new, mutually satisfying solutions, sometimes almost opposite to officially taken positions, you will gain trust from this experience.
• Insist on using objective criteria. Do not yield to pressure being applied by your negotiation partner or the time schedule, or by being too kind; instead, yield only to a principle. In a negotiation process, you can experience multiple demanding conditions, which can apply pressure on one or both negotiation partners, intensifying the urge to reach an agreement faster. Without a persistent focus on the merit of the negotiation case and the principle being supported by reasoned and factual arguments, it can cause premature decision making and not necessarily the best one you could make.

1. Negotiators are human beings. People can be very emotional when being put on the spot during the negotiation process, especially when trying to defend what they believe in and stand for. Especially in times like this, it is vital to keep your emotions down and not let them take over your reactions and decisions. 
2. Prepare before you negotiate — learn who you are negotiating with. Wise negotiators are prepared negotiators, having researched the similarities and differences, interests, values, and background. When meeting with a negotiation partner, make it clear you take the other party’s core values, viewpoints, and potential concerns seriously — this is not a weakness but a strength showing that you care for the other side’s interest.
3. Don’t bargain over positions — focus on mutual interests. Circumstances change, so sticking to previously chosen positions is pointless. Instead of standing by and defending your position, which may be fully contrary to the other party, focus and put your effort into what is common in your interests. Once you recognize and pursue common interests, it is more likely to get to an agreement.
4. Invent options before you decide. People unconsciously limit themselves and put constraints over clear and on-point expectations of what kind of outcome they can or cannot accept. The clue to good cooperation for both sides is to be open to inventing other options, leading to seeking mutual interest, which makes it more feasible to make an agreement in the end. If none of you like the options presented at the negotiation table, be brave and suggest brainstorming and hunting for new ones. Also, don’t judge them and inform them not to judge in the process of invention — all ideas are good enough to start with because they engage both partners by putting effort and having a stake in the process. Always make sure to inform your partner that to avoid pressure and fear of jumping to conclusions too quickly, both sides are not going to make any obligations nor decisions. Instead, both sides are going to look for mutually satisfactory options and resolutions. 
5. What if they are more powerful? Develop your BATNA. Negotiators often sit at a negotiating table with the main goal they would like to achieve. Still, it is a smart idea to have a backup plan called BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement). What happens if you do not reach an agreement in a negotiation? You should analyze which of your realistic alternatives you should pursue to fulfill your expectations satisfactorily. Moreover, if you feel intimidated because your negotiation partner is more powerful, for example has more connections, is wealthier or is a hard negotiator, a well-developed BATNA will protect you from making an agreement you should reject and protect your interest by helping you make the most of the assets that you have. By knowing your BATNA, you are prepared to make adjustments to your expectations without being forced to diminish them under pressure. As the authors put it — the stronger your BATNA, the greater your power.
6. A Win-Win Agreement is key to a fair agreement. Successful negotiations should make parties satisfied to an extent they still value their relationship and are still content with the agreed upon resolution. Winning should not mean feeling victorious because you reached your goal while the other party suffers from losing tremendously. You should consider your reputation being at stake as much as a personally satisfying resolution. If both of you managed to reach a mutually satisfactory agreement amicably, you both would gain each other’s trust. When you get what you want and still keep the relationship, the outcome for both parties is more valuable because not only do you accomplish the success within the negotiation agreement, but you also keep the door open for any potential cooperation yet to come. 
7. What if they won’t play? Use negotiation Jujitsu. Sometimes, regardless of your best attempt to talk about common interests, other options, and sticking to the merit, the other party can play hard and be unaffected. They may stand firmly by their positions and planned objectives, be concerned only with maximizing their own gains, or even worse, carry out an attack on you. The most influential solutions are to attack the problem on its merits, be persistent with focusing on yourself as a center of raising suggestions, or use negotiation Jujitsu — refuse to react. If someone is forcefully attacking your ideas or imposing their position firmly, don’t play the game of pushing back and reacting to their attack because you will not win this, you will waste a lot of effort and time. Instead, look behind their position and ask yourself, “What lies behind their firm position or attack? What do they protect or are concerned about?” When the other side sets forth its position, neither reject it nor accept it. Treat it as one possible option, but more importantly, look for the interests behind it, seek out the principles that it reflects, and think about ways to improve it.
8. Identify their game and speak up. If your negotiation partner makes attempts to use various tactics on you, such as playing good cop bad cop, feeding you with phony facts, or personal attacks, the best way to break it off is to identify their tactics and point them out. Thanks to such a simple act of recognition, they will be surprised and possibly thrown off guard; thus, their plan of playing you falls into pieces. Moreover, you become recognized as a confident, experienced negotiator who gains authority and is not to be played with.
9. What if they use dirty tricks? Don’t be a victim. Unfortunately, at some point in your negotiation experience, there is a high likelihood you may face people who are keen on playing dirty tricks on you and don’t care about jeopardizing your relationship. The 3 most common tricky tactics are: a) deliberate deception like sharing phony facts or ambiguous authority; b) psychological warfare like an uncomfortable negotiating  environment, personal attacks or a good-cop/bad-cop routine; and c) positional pressure like a calculated delay of making the final decision, just when you are about to shake hands on it. All of these tactics are well-thought-through and well-developed ways to apply pressure on you so you yield and give up. When recognizing them, you should refuse to participate by making it clear what is at stake for them to lose if they push you too far. Your focus should be on getting back to negotiating on principles; however, if you feel you are being too pressured, you can always ask for the other party’s reasoning for their position. Moreover, you can even propose rescheduling negotiation to avoid getting tangled into a charade.